Today was day one of our two day education session for the adoption. I was really excited going into it, basically just looking at it as another step to check off in our journey.
I left today feeling pretty defeated. As you are going through the process, you receive a lot of support from friends and family. We’ve heard regularly from people that we’d be amazing parents and that we’d get picked for sure.
Today is the first day that I’ve had thoughts that it may never happen for us.
Looking around the room today I saw a dozen other amazing couples. Twelve other couples with desires as strong as ours, stories as compelling, and the ability to be incredible parents. These are just the ones we saw today. I began to think about the 80 other couples with the agency waiting for the same thing. It is also the first time I questioned whether the fact that we are a same-sex couple would be a barrier.
I tried to put myself in the mindset of a birth mom. Presented with several traditional parents, all amazing people… Why would they pick us?
My usual optimism is a bit squashed. Especially knowing how many are waiting and just how few adoptions are completed each year.
My heart aches, my hopes diminished and I’m left wondering will this happen, and how long do we wait? We will have to decide each year if we continue, and there will come a time we’d have to decide that we are too old and we missed our chance.
I just need to dig deep, find my hope and believe that the right Mom will come along or we’ll find an incredible person to have a baby for us.