Spring is in the air, the sun is shining and it seems like everyone had a busy winter. Every day I am hearing pregnancy announcements from couples. I hear them with mixed thoughts. Firstly, I am very happy for the couple as I know this is something wonderful. I congratulate them and show my excitement. Inside, I have the thought “Really?! Another one?…what about us”.
I’ve tried to think about it in terms of perhaps our future birth parents are finding out they are pregnant too… and starting to think about a birth plan. I convince myself that spring will bring a flurry of babies and maybe even a line up at Adoption Options. The reality is that the highest number of domestic placements that they have done in the last 5 years or so is about 20 in a year. here are at least 80 prospective parents waiting to be matched. Statistically speaking the odds could be worse.
We are still getting asked quite frequently “So have you heard anything?”. I would love to answer, “Yes we become parents and I forgot to mention it”. Instead, I provide the standard canned answer of, “Nothing yet, we are anxiously waiting. We can get the call any day”.
The question of whether we have heard anything is well meaning, but it starts to get old after a while. There are a couple reasons that it is a hard question to answer.
The first being, if we received contact from Adoption Options it is because a birth parent has chosen our file. Once that takes place there are in person meetings that happen between us and the birth parents. After which the birth parent may choose to go in a different direction. If that happens, I’m not going to share “close but no cigar”.
Another possible scenario following the in person meeting is that the birth parents choose to proceed and we collectively come up with an adoption plan, openness agreement etc. We then wait until the child is born. We can’t share anything during this period either. Once the child is born, the birth parents may change their mind. Also something I can’t share. If the child is placed with us, there is a 21 day period in which the birth parent can change their minds as well.
Essentially, we really won’t be sharing any information until after we have had our baby for 21 days. At that time we will announce becoming a family. I may have known about the possibility for months, but can’t share anything until after that 21 day placement milestone.
So as you can see there are many variables, timelines and steps between getting the call and being able to share we have become parents. This means when asked “Have you heard anything yet?”, my response will always be “nothing yet, can be anytime now.”.
Trust me, when the time comes we too will be making a birth announcement. I liken our process to parents who wait until after the first trimester to announce their pregnancy.. we have to make sure that we make it to the safe zone. The more people we tell, the more people we have to un-tell if it doesn’t work out.
And no, we have’t heard anything yet.